Can't Hardly Wait...To Die

The Replacements' Can't Hardly Wait was used as the title song for the late 90s movie of the same name. For some reason, I liked this movie a lot when it came out. I even bought the videotape! But now, I can't figure out what drew me to this movie in the first place. Was it the childish humor? Seth Green playing a "wigga"? Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts and horse face? It's a mystery why and how I could have been such a big fan. At that time, I was in my early 20s, and the idealized memories and experiences of my high school years had long been replaced by the phantasmagoria of excessive binge drinking and meaningless 'adult' relationships - I was no longer a member of the target teenage audience this movie was presumably trying to attract. But yet I watched this movie 3 times in the theaters (40 oz. in hand)! However, I can vividly recall that upon watching a trailer for this movie, I told my girlfriend at the time that any movie with the title Can't Hardly Wait must have that 'Mats (i.e., the Replacements) song in it, and therefore I - as a nerdy 'Mats fan - was required to watch the movie on this basis alone.

It's always struck me as a little disturbing that the writers/producers/decisionmakers/etc. of this movie decided to name it after this particular 'Mats song. The movie is a 'humorous' and 'light-hearted' take on the average teenagers' awkward transition from the high school social scene (with its mandatory unknown/unrequited crushes) to the heady profundity and exuberance of young adult life. But the 'Mats song is about suicide and not being able to follow through. Pretty much the narrator in the song is saying s/he can't hardly wait to die. And specifically - it's about death by hurling oneself off a scummy water tower (the 'Mats are from the Midwest in case you didn't know). This is not just my interpretation of the lyrics, it's what singer/guitarist Paul Westerberg had intended to convey. I get this information from an interview conducted with him from some fansite I can't remember. Trust me. Or Wikipedia it up for all I care. I'll make a Wikipedia entry on it right now to substantiate my own claim. Anyway, either the Can't Hardly Wait movie crew had no knowledge of the song's theme; or knew of it and intended the movie's title to be ironic; or they just didn't care.

The following is a cursory look at the evolution of the 'Mats' song, Can't Hardly Wait.

Can't Hardly Wait (Live: Nov. 11, 1984): bootleg recording of the original 'Mats lineup confiscated from an unknown fan at the Bowery in Oklahmoma City, OK. Shortly afterward, this bootleg was released as The Shit Hits the Fans in cassette form only by the 'Mats label, Twin/Tone (with cover and insert artwork by drummer Chris Mars). During this period, the song - although yet to be recorded in a studio - was a regular song in the 'Mats set list. At some point in 2004, The Shit Hits the Fans bootleg was re-released on vinyl for a limited time by some record company whose name I can't think of. I didn't buy it because I had already bought it as a CD rip at a record swap some years ago. And a bootleg is a bootleg is a bootleg. NOTE: guitarist Bob Stinson's drunken half-assed guitar solo is awesome. Read all the unsubstantiated facts regarding this recording on Wikipedia!

Can't Hardly Wait (The scrapped version from the 1985 Tim album): officially released in the "best of" CD All For Nothing/Nothing For All. This is the only studio recording of Can't Hardly Wait with Bob still on guitar. Great lyrics here that I've always interpreted to have one of two possible meanings - either that Heaven is so incredibly boring you've got to get out of there or that the only way into Heaven is by means of subterfuge - because Paul's Catholic school education won't let him believe a suicide victim gets into Heaven [?] ("I'll be sad in Heaven if I don't find a hole in the gate"). Buy the album!

Can't Hardly Wait (The "airshaft" version from the lost Alex Chilton Pleased to Meet Me produced sessions in 1987): recorded in an elevator shaft at Blackberry Way Studios in Minneapolis - after Paul had already given Bob the boot. As the infamous 'Mats mythology alleges, the original Chilton-produced masters were tossed into the Mississippi River by the band. Chilton's efforts were not lost - the 'Mats recorded the song Alex Chilton in tribute to him (and their love of Big Star) for Pleased to Meet Me. Despite its muddled bootleg quality, this is without question my favorite version - the theme of suicide creeps back in a subtle and menacing way. In this rendition, the aforementioned scrapped Tim version lyrics are changed to: "I'll be there in an hour if there's a hole in the gate - climb to the top of this crummy water tower screaming 'I can't hardly wait'". The suicide water tower motif persists throughout all the versions of Can't Hardly Wait until Pleased to Meet Me.

Can't Hardly Wait (released version from Pleased to Meet Me): the Memphis horns and strings version produced by Jim Dickinson. Once again, this is a post-Bob recording with Paul doing all of the guitar parts. Supposedly, the band couldn't even stand to be in the studio while these frilly parts were recorded and added into the final mix. This reworked version changes the theme from suicide to being away/returning home (sort of like the 'Mats version of Merle Haggard & the Strangers' highway song White Line Fever). The suicide theme is instead applied to another song on the album, The Ledge, and according to 'Mats legend, someone did unfortunately take that song too seriously and jumped off a building to their death. Buy the album!

And if you're so inclined - buy the Can't Hardly Wait DVD.